When the kissing gets too much
Posted by contentedsouls on 12/01/2015
(with me en Francais and him in England, I suspect I might find out quite quickly if he ever reads my blog!)
I love the French customs; I love the ‘bonjouring’ of everyone in the queue when you walk into a boulangerie or boucherie; I love the handshakes to complete strangers who occupy a bar you enter. Then there’s that vague social dividing line where someone is no longer a stranger and the handshakes develop into the double cheek kiss – no ‘mwah, mwah’ here.
It’s absolutely fraught with difficulty. First of all there is the timing. How do you know when to make the handshake to kiss transition; if you get it wrong you can create the most enormous snub (not just the embarrassment of a failed high five – not that I’ve ever attempted one). Then there is the more obvious one of too much proximity to halitosis and body odour (believe you me I’ve had more than my fare share of that in the last 10 months). Then there is the physical process, should always be right cheek to right cheek, every so often someone goes in with the left cheek (usually results in a big, embarrassing, smackeroony on the lips that everybody tries to pretend didn’t happen).
Lastly there is the time consumption. If you’re nipping out in your slippers to dump the rubbish and get caught by a ‘kissing terms’ acquaintance walking their dog, you can’t just kiss and move on to the bins, so an (unprepared) conversation has to take place whilst your slippers absorb the damp and you struggle with your verbs. If you promised to stick your head round the corner to say, ‘I’m fine’. You have to shake hands with two small boys , kiss Monsieur x 2, kiss Madame x 4 (not in the brothel sense) and then shake hands with every customer in the premises – and that’s without stopping for a beer. If you stop for a beer or a coffee, you have to repeat the process on leaving…..and people ask me what I do all day!
One thing has eased my troubled mind though; Madame is the new Ms and I no longer have to search for fingers bearing wedding rings or worry about getting Madame/Mademoiselle wrong and deciding if I get it wrong would cause delight or offence. Phew, Mademoiselle is no longer politically correct – such a relief
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Only one photo today, last night’s view from the side hatch – you’ve seen it before but the difference is that the boat was bathed in sunlight for a short while yesterday. Lovely to see the reflected light off the water ripples playing on the ceiling again and the sky was clear enough for a sunset. Sadly back to grey again today. Oh well, it was nice whilst it lasted.
contentedsouls 
Jaqueline Biggs said
OMG!! I am never visiting France!! I absolutely abhor being groped by strangers and I have zip patience with fatuous social customs. You are a better woman than me mate!! Your picture is lovely!! Stay warm…big kisses…er no hugs??!!!!
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contentedsouls said
Oh Jaq, you’ve had me in fits of giggles. It can’t be termed groping as it’s hands free! Fatuous social customs huh? Barging your way through a queue at the locks are you? I’m warm and good as I hope you both are. Hugs and kisses to you both (as long as you don’t have colds or BO) !!!!
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suenp said
Good grief gal you are going to have to teach me some stuff quick when I get there. I don’t want to be kissing left if I am suppose to be kissing right.. Or is it the other way round.. Maybe I should practice on Eurostar?
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contentedsouls said
Think you’ll find Eurostar’s metal a bit chilly; best you practice on Vic whilst travelling on Eurostar; right cheek first. Sooooon now, can’t wait.
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Amanda said
So pleased you have cleared up something for me. I am the person who goes for the left cheek and completely throws the person coming into do the right cheek. I now know it’s the right cheek. It has always confused me. No longer.
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contentedsouls said
Yeah! Technical success, I’ve recovered you Amanda!!
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contentedsouls said
Amanda, your comment is sitting somewhere that I can’t release it, in the absence of my technical department, I can read it but not publish it. For me too it has always been a mystery but, mystery solved, defo right cheek first – you are found guilty of one causing the awkward blunders, but perhaps you were just sneakily after a smackeroony? x
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jackieandnoel said
A wonderful account for people who are not accustomed to the French customs! It takes a while to ‘get it’ – then they change the rules! Noel makes it clear he is a hand-shaking man…. I just tell them he’s Australian – that seems to help them understand!
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contentedsouls said
Jackie how lovely to see you on here. What do you mean they change the rules? I just thought I’d ‘got it’ !!!
Has Noel been man kissed yet?
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kwade said
I just go straight in with the tongue, (women only) some you win, some you lose. It adds to the excitement 🙂
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suenp said
ROFLMAO! Can’t wait to meet you in France then Kwade! 😀
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contentedsouls said
Glad you clarified the Rocky situation Kevin W and just settle down Sue – you’ll get your share soon!
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Kevin TOO said
WOW Jill you certainly have received more than a few ‘mixed’ comments to this post… :0
I have been torn between crying in despair or laughing my socks off at some people’s prejudices 😉
Personally I don’t see the problem with the whole kissy kissy approach to greeting friends here or there!
Anyway I always take the lead from the other person, less chance of ‘silly moments’ that way…
To me the feeling of honest friendliness in a ‘Bonjour’, ‘Bonne Soirée’, ‘Bon Soir’ or ‘Bonne Nuit’ are so much more meaningful,
even from a stranger, than the bland automated and utterance of the corporate ‘have a nice day’ used by some nationalities 🙂
Nighty night and kiss (starboard) kiss (port)
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contentedsouls said
Hi Kevin, it might be made clearer if I explained that everyone of these comments are from good friends like yourself and have, therefore (as was my post), been made tongue in cheek (sorry, couldn’t resist) mwah! mwah!
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suenp said
Sorry Jill, I was just being a bit cheeky!
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